Which statement is NOT an example of empathy?

• A. You miss your family
• B. Twenty years without parole is a long time
• C. It must be lonely at times
• D. I feel sorry for you locked up day & night

Answer: (D)

Empathy means recognizing and understanding another person’s feelings and communicating that understanding in a way that validates their experience. Saying that someone misses their family shows you’re acknowledging that emotion and reflecting it as a real feeling the person might have. Recognizing that twenty years without parole is a long time acknowledges the impact of the situation on the person’s emotional state, and saying it must be lonely at times shows you’re validating their possible loneliness. All of these reflect putting yourself in the other person’s shoes and connecting with what they’re feeling. The line I feel sorry for you locked up day and night centers on the speaker’s own emotion—pity—rather than sharing or validating the other person’s experience. It doesn’t acknowledge the other person’s feelings from their perspective and can feel distant or patronizing, so it’s not an example of empathy.